Mistress Mandara’s Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios. You probably know it by its more common name: The Magnificent Emporium. The Magnificent Emporium is a SOLO Crafting, Enchanting and Adventuring tabletop game. Hire Adventurers to seek Exotic Crafting Components, Accept Commissions from Colorful Customers, and Create Legendary Arms and Armour.
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Mistress, I think you misspoke. I believe you MEANT to say "Playtest Dummies".
[Nope. I meant what I said.]
Well, thanks anyway.
[I am ALSO interested in why my lavish Retirement hasn't happened yet! How long does it take to create a stupid game?!?]
Well, first off, I don't think it's 'stupid'...
[And you would be WRONG.]
Secondly, the Adventuring redesign has really put me behind schedule. I'm currently getting the 'play skeleton' in working order so the Playtest Dummies can critique it. The only problem is that a good part of the FUN of one of my games is the FUNNY stuff. A 'play skeleton' would only capture a small part of that fun. And I don't want Playtesters first impression to be of an ugly game.
The Faster, Easier and Smarter way to prep a game for Playtesting is often to send out a "skeleton game". A skeleton version has ALL the functionality of the game (complete with written rules), but the entire thing is fairy rough and a bit ugly.
[Let me guess: you - for some completely asinine reason - decided NOT to do the Faster, Easier and Smarter approach.]
("Ass"-inine is more like it!)
[Ha! Good one, Colossal. Now zip it!]
Uh. I guess you could you put it that way.
[I did. And what - pray tell - have you been doing THAT IS NOT the Faster, Easier and Smarter approach to designing my game and making me rich?!?]
Making it pretty? Making it funny?
[Is that a question? or a statement?]
I mean: Making the game look pretty and funny. And trying to do some of the boring stuff like writing the rules, I guess.
[YOU GUESS?!? Wow. We're doomed.]
(Told 'ya!)
[Colossal!]
(Got it. Zipping now...)
[Okay, Corny Ken. Show us some of this "pretty" "funny" business. AND if it AIN'T freakin' GORGEOUS, things are about to get UGLY in this here brain box!]
Ha! You said "funny business"!
[Okay, fine. You bought yourself a BRIEF respite from my WRATH. 'Brief' being the key word here. STOP having FUN and START working EVERYONE ELSE'S FUN!]
Thank you for your...
[Quit wasting time! At this rate, my Cabana Boys will be more like wrinkled, decrepit 'Cabana Old FARTS!' NOT cool, Corny. NOT... COOL!!!]
(I have an idea...)
[Colossal! What did I...]
(It's a good one. I promise. It's about totally humiliating that nincompoop Corny Ken.)
[I'm listening...]
I'M... RIGHT... HERE!!!
(Post your answer to the below question in the comments. Be aware that the RIGHT ANSWER is #5.)
1) I think Corny Ken is doing a superb job... at being a total moronic nincompoop (as well as a dreadfully slow game designer). Stop bullying him, you two!
2) I don't see any problem with the delay. I never had any intention of playing Corny Ken's game. I am mostly here to enjoy his public humiliation and impending EPIC failure. Keep up the GREAT work, you two!
3) I want to smash Corny Ken into smithereens, but I would prefer that it not hurt too bad. I just don't think it's right to be THAT mean to the mentally infirmed.
4) I Backed a game called Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios?! What the heck was I thinking?!
5) 'Smithereens' is much too good for Corny Ken. Is there something slower and more painful? Maybe messier, too? Oh, and repeatable - like 'over and over and over again repeatable'? Did I mention painful?