RED ALERT! We have some competition, folks!
over 2 years ago – Thu, Nov 09, 2023 at 12:17:02 PM

Summary of this Update:

• RED ALERT! We have some competition, folks!
• The Playtest Dummies Have Done it AGAIN! (i.e., extensive Changelog PLUS PICTURES!)
• OPINION NEEDED: Magnet Concept for Using the Metal Tin AS THE PLAYSURFACE!

RED ALERT! We have some competition, folks!

Greetings, Colossal Connoisseurs!

(Brace yourselves! I have some bad news.)

Well, there’s some good news, too. Towards the bottom of this Update.

(Zip it, Sunshine!)

Zipped. 

(It has come to my attention that there is an artist of growing renown that appears to be horning in on our plans for World Domination.)

Oh, dear!

(By my estimation, if this humanoid continues on her current path of fame and glory, she will approximate my artistic brilliance in LESS THAN a century!)

Say it ain’t so!

(‘Tis so. If we do not immediately alter our plans for World Domination, this she-devil could overtake Colossal Endeavors as this world’s prime institution of brainwashing and psychological fan manipulation.)

But I thought we were making great, albeit slow, progress towards our eventual goals.

(S-L-O-O-O-O-W is right. HOW MANY MONTHS are you behind on The Emporium?)

Hey, that hurts! Can we please stop talking about MY failings as a game designer and get back to this despicable mystery person you were talking about?

(I doubt you’ve heard of her. You don’t lurk in the deep dark shadows like I do. This monster goes by the name of Taylor Swift. AS IF that’s her real name! What is she hiding?!?)

Taylor Swift? But she’s fantastic. Every time I hear one of her songs, I just want to get out of my chair and wiggle my bum.

(NO ONE cares about your bum!)

That’s probably true. And also kinda sad. 

(Not really. Don’t be fooled. She may be “incredibly talented” and “sweet as pie” and “refreshingly humble” and as “cute as a button” and “an entrepreneurial wizard,” but she is still THE ENEMY!)

Sounds like you’re a fan!

(That’s neither here nor there!)

Don’t forget: she also loves and appreciates her fans!

(Bah! Fans are NOT meant to be loved and appreciated. They are meant to be tolerated and manipulated. Just ask Wizards of the Coast!)

Ouch! That stings! 

(Too much?)

Kinda. 

(Well, starting today, we have updated our plans for World Domination to take into account this Swift humanoid and her shadowy cabal of “Swifties” - ugh, what a horrible name!)

Sounds like SOMEBODY… IS… JEALOUS. 

(Stuff it!)

Stuffed. 

Here is the new plan. We couldn’t share ALL of the details of the plan. When we couldn’t, we tried to gives reasons why. We highlighted the ones that were recently added to the plan:

• Make really mediocre games for super cheap
• ############ REDACTED ############# (currently illegal in EVERY country on this planet EXCEPT the United States of America - they have ALL the freedoms including the BAD ones!) 
• Make the games faster than REALLY SLOW (this one needs A LOTTA work) 
• ############ TOP SECRET-ish ############
• * Wear more sparkly outfits
• ############ MOSTLY TOP SECRET ############
•  * Increase number of mindlessly fanatical fans to 100 billion (Taylor is now gaining traction across MULTIPLE worlds! We need to keep up!) 
• ############ MORE TOP SECRET THAN NOT ############
• ############ CLASSIFIED (ADS) ############ (for Ken when he finally evicts Colossal from his brain box) 
•  * Talk smack about former lovers in public 
• ############ Accidentally Deleted ############ (reminder to always keep a backup!) 
• ############ EYES ONLY + EARS AND NOSE ONLY ############ (must be for Ken since Colossal Ken doesn’t have those things) 
•  * Merch. lots and Lots and LOTS of MERCH! (mostly with an artist rendering of what we think Colossal Ken’s head would look like) 
• ############ REDACTED ############# (for political correctness) 
• ############ REDACTED ############# (for reason that the word ‘redacted’ is really cool and not used enough) 
•  * Wiggle bum to the beat of our own music (KEN, DID YOU SNEAK THIS ONE IN HERE?!?) 
• ############ REDACTED ############# (for international law reasons - mostly in The Netherlands, Brazil and parts of Antarctica) 

(Remember: We are ALL in this together!)

Translation: "If things don't go Colossal's way, he will throw ALL of us under the bus... and then STOMP on it and then set it on fire and then throw it over a cliff."

(Was I not clear?)

Crystal.

 The Playtest Dummies Have Done it AGAIN! (i.e., extensive Changelog)

I'm not gonna say that we were heading towards a train wreck of EPIC proportions before the Playtest Dummies came along...

(but it's true)

... BUT, I will say that the Playtest Dummies have done a spectacular job of identifying some changes that make the game WAY better!

(AKA 'identifying' your bonehead mistakes and telling you how to FIX them)

Let's not waste our time splitting hairs. 

Here's a BRIEF list of changes that we have made so far:

• Combined Delve Cards, Combat Encounter Cards and Loot Cards into a SINGLE Card that covers everything. 
• Clarified the Adventuring process for Finding, Exploring and Combat.
• Increased the number Rare, Epic and Legendary crafting components (to replace the removed Armour components).
• [IN PROGRESS] Changed a rule preventing the identical Crafting Component Tokens from "clogging" up the Marketplace.
• Replaced physical Gold pieces (to track Gold) Gold Tracking Card. This one was also tough. The physical pieces are nice little baubles, BUT with the cards approach fixed THREE different issues: 1) space limitations within the tin, 2) additional production cost, and 3) (most important) play surface clutter. This game already has LOTS of stuff going on with the play surface. Most stuff just seems to lead to more CHAOS.
• Combined Prestige Tracking and Gold Tracking on to ONE card to streamline play surface.
• [IN PROGRESS] Added basic instructions to some cards (front or back depending on the card) to lessen the "flipping through the rulebook" syndrome.
• Simplified the Roll Tables for Find Delve Location, Explore the Delve and Loot (following a successful Combat Encounter).
• Changed the rarity orbs to a less confusing color.
• Added Upgrade costs directly to the Facility Upgrade Cards.
• Increased the difficulty of the Delves by reducing the number of Skills per Adventurer and increasing the Hiring Costs of Adventurers.
• Eliminated redundant Adventurer Skills.
• Alphabetized the Adventurer Skills Reference Card.
• Added the ability to 'reset' the Marketplace at the cost of some Prestige.
• Changed the name of "Common Crafting Commissions" to "Basic Crafting Commissions" (the 'Common' word was confusing as it is too similar to the 'common' used to denote rarity.
• Added the Prestige values to the Masterwork Crafting Commissions.
• Removed so overpowered Adventurer Skills that made the Adventuring too easy (and LESS fun!)
• Reduced the Prestige rewards gained while Adventuring (to balance the need to BOTH Craft AND Adventure).
• Removed both Basic Armour Crafting and Masterwork Armour Crafting from the game. This was a tough one, but their were too many Crafting Components and Commissions making the game more unwieldy than it needs to be. 
• Redesigned the Upgrade cards to horizontal to accommodate a more efficient game setup and layout.
• Introduced the ability to use magnets and the metal tin to keep Tracking and Facility cards neat and orderly while playing (see below).
• Various design element changes to facilitate learning the game AND / OR cosmetic enhancements. 

Various BEFORE and AFTER Playtesting Images

OPINION NEEDED: Magnet Concept for Using the Metal Tin AS THE PLAYSURFACE!

We are currently working on a concept whereby the METAL TIN actually BECOMES THE PLAYSURFACE! This will require quite a few itty, bitty, teensy, weensy magnets. However, I THINK I can swing it IF y'all think this is a worthwhile direction to head in. 

Please post your yays or nays in the Comments.

Signing off...

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

The (sample) TINS are IN...s.
over 2 years ago – Thu, Sep 21, 2023 at 04:03:52 PM

In this Episode of "Will this game every be done?!?"...

Sample Printed Tins Have ARRIVED!

Wow. It looks like this game MIGHT ACTUALLY become a reality!

(Uh. Isn't that what you promised when you started this whole Kickstarter thing?)

I was crossing my fingers. Doesn't count.

The big concern was whether the dice would fit...

(Yes, these are the actual dice you can expect in the final game - you're welcome.)

... and there is LITERALLY like 0.0000001 inches or kilometers or whatever to spare!

That is all.

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

Playtest Set are READY!!!
over 2 years ago – Tue, Aug 29, 2023 at 04:53:10 PM

Playtest Sets are READY!!!

They Playtest Sets that were printed incorrectly (REMEMBER: NOT MY FAULT!!!) have been re-printed and have arrived!

The Playtest Dummy PDF Rules have been updated to v0.9. It is quite a bit more VISUAL (my first pass at the images that are needed for the Rule Book) and CONDENSED (the actual pages have come down from around 30 to 12). This likely needs to be WAY LESS to make it super easy to follow and prevent Players from getting a HEADACHE before ever playing!

You can download it here (for Playtest Dummies OR anyone else interested in the sausage making):

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/ldxnqdle8hz41tjs18vhk/How-to-Play-The-Magnificent-Emporium-Rough-and-barely-Ready-Edition-for-Playtest-Dummies-v0.9.pdf?rlkey=iz384da94xbxtktvtvmam8cfe&dl=0

PLAYTEST DUMMIES, I will be mailing out Playtest Sets in the coming days. You will also receive an email with all the details (testing scenarios, survey links, etc.). 

Here are some images from the Playtest Dummy Rule Book:

[THAT'S IT?!? No failed attempts at humor? or embarrassing reveals regarding your complete and total ineptitude as a human squishy?]

Sorry, Colossal. Not this time. Don't worry. PLENTY of time for failed attempts at humor and stories of my utter humiliation. We are still SEVERAL YEARS away from completing this Project!

[Oh, goody!]

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

P.S. We are NOT actually years away from completing this Project. I will have a pretty good time estimate (that I will likely demolish for no good reason!) AFTER I have all the Playtest feedback back.

Playtest Prints Got... MAYHEMIFIED!!!
over 2 years ago – Thu, Jul 20, 2023 at 03:02:25 PM

The Playtest Sets PRINTED AND RECEIVED!

Along with this fantastic bit of news, there is some BAD news also. :(

I'm gonna start with the GOOD NEWS. If you're one of those Negative "I LOVE bad news" Nelly kinda people, then you can skip to the bottom of this Update.

(Hahaha! I'm skippin' to the GOOD STUFF... and when I say 'good stuff' I mean the HORRIBLY BAD and, hopefully, SUPER EMBARASSING Bad News!!! See ya chumps at the bottom of this update!)

[I'll race you to the bottom, Colossal... just like this nincompoop is doing with this game! What a dunce!!!]

Thanks, Colossal. Thank you, Auntie. Your love and support is palpable. 

GOOD NEWS: The Playtest Prints ARE GORGEOUS!!! IMHO. ;-)

I was a bit concerned that the cards would be difficulty to read given the "small format" that we are trying to achieve (and the fact that I'm SUPER WORDY!), but I think they turned out quite readable and playable. 

The colors really pop (not always a guarantee when it comes to small-batch printing).

IMPORTANT: These are Playtest Sets! Some design elements are not yet finalized (the cards backs, the gaping empty token holder on the Masterwork Commission cards, several elements of the Delving and Loot cards, etc.). ALSO, dice is NOT finalized. Looks like we MAY be switching from a polyhedral set to maybe 7 or 8 d6 dice. PLEASE don't hate me! Blame the Playtest Dummies! ;-)

I don't have a sample of the storage tin just yet. The one I PLANNED on using is WAY TOO SMALL given how the number of game components has GROWN SUBSTANTIALLY. I REALLY wish I hadn't promised "custom printed" tins. Life would be SO much easier! ;-)

All feedback is welcome and appreciated (unless it sounds like Colossal or Auntie Mandara said it, in which case I will DO THE OPPOSITE!). ;-)

BAD NEWS: The Playtest Sets Got MAYHEMIFIED in Printing!!!

I know what you're thinking:

Somehow your favorite idiot game designed screwed up and the printing turned out... unexpected.

Well. You. Are. WRONG!

Is was NOT my fault (this time). 

The knuckleheads at The Game Crafter (they do small print runs that work great for Playtest sets) messed up. Instead of putting 108 tokens for each game, they printed way too many of some tokens and ZERO of some other tokens and spread them RANDOMLY among the 15  boxes. Oi! 

EVEN IF I WANTED TO SPEND HOURS AND HOURS removing over 1,500 tokens from their token sheets and then re-combining them for 15 Playtest Sets, it still wouldn't work because they LITERALLY printed ZERO of one of the critical components, Epic Augments.

SEE! NOT. MY. FAULT. (this time)

I emailed Customer Service. They LITERALLY responded in less than an hour and totally admitted that it was a PRODUCTION error and that it was THEIR fault.

SEE! NOT. MY. FAULT. (this time... now with PROOF!)

They are going to REPRINT the entire batch and SUPER, DUPER EXPEDITE the printing and shipping (that SHOULD reduce the printing time of this batch considerably). I have to say: I am SUPER impressed with their Customer Service.  I thought I would have to yell and scream "IT'S NOT MY FAULT" until they finally admitted their boo-boo. 

INSTEAD, I'll just yell and scream "IT'S NOT MY FAULT (this time)!" at y'all.

[We're pretty much used to it by now...]

As much as I wanted to get these into the Playtest Dummies' hot little hands, it doesn't mess things up TOO bad because I am still working on streamlining the instructions from that ugly behemoth that I sent out several weeks ago. I can also finish the Playtest Surveys and source the new storage tins (now that I have ACTUAL contents dimensions to work with) while we wait. The only other sourcing task left after all this will be dice (which, of course, can't happen until I get feedback from Playtesters - I recently scrapped one Delving system for another which requires an entirely different dice configuration).

Question: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being super, duper pissed), how unhappy would you be if I switched the dice from a standard set of polyhedral dice to a set of 7 or so d6s? The only other option would be to throw in the polyhedral dice AND the d6s even though the polyhedrals serve no purpose in this game (other than costing me money!). ;-)

NOW, we're cookin' with (lukewarm) oil!

Your in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

Who's the 'Dummy' now?!? You'll NEVER guess!
almost 3 years ago – Thu, Jun 08, 2023 at 07:02:45 PM

Hey, Beautiful Backers!

I wanted to give a SUPER QUICK Update on the progress of The Magnificent Emporium.

We have completed several rounds of INTERNAL Playtesting. 

We found SEVERAL issues that have since been RECTIFIED (TOO MANY to list here! Maybe I'll spill the beans in a post-mortem if I happen to be feeling particularly masochistic at the end of all this). ;-)

HOWEVER, these changes need to be GRAPHICALLY smashed into the game before we can print versions for the EXTERNAL Playtesters (i.e., the Playtest Dummies that have been PATIENTLY waiting for me to get my act together!).

This probably requires some explanation.

My GOAL was to make SUPER DUPER CHEAPIE Playtest versions of the game - you know, printed at the local printshop using a heavier weight paper and then cutting out the pieces by hand with a paper cutter. I have been doing something similar with INTERNAL Playtesting using my home printer.

AND THEN, while waiting for the Playtest feedback, I could devote my time to putting the finishing touches on the graphic design (with the intention of it being mostly read by the time all the Playtester feedback is in).

Basically, the plan was to work the Playtesting and Graphic Design in PARALLEL for super efficient game design-ification. 

Cool idea, right?!? Pretty smarty-pantsy of me, don't you think?

(Hahaha! Nope. WRONG! This is the part where you tell us how much of a MORON you are! Gimme, gimme!!! I can't wait!)

I wasn’t asking you, Colossal!

(But I’m right, aren’t I?)

Yes. Yes, you are right. I was wrong AND I AM a moron.

(Delicious!)

Here’s the rub:

The Magnificent Emporium has now grown to encompass 18 Larger Format Cards, nearly 72 Micro Cards (TWICE what I promised in the Kickstarter campaign! Eek!) and over 100 Tokens (Also TWICE what I promised in the Kickstarter campaign! DOUBLE Eek!). 

YIKES! What was I thinking?!?

(Hahaha! Your idiocy never fails to ENTERTAIN me!)

At least ONE of us is having fun, Colossal. Might as well be you.

(Agreed! Continue. Your squirming is SO delightfully painful to behold!)

The current QUICK AND DIRTY sheets that I have been printing for INTERNAL Playtesting work great for manually cutting out components, BUT, with well over a dozen Playtest Dummies signed up to participate, it would take me just shy OF AN ETERNITY to manually prep the Playtest Sets. 

Sooooo… that leads me to Plan B: Using a dedicated game prototype printer. That is totally fine EXCEPT that NOW I need to GRAPHICALLY PREP the Tokens BEFORE I can send it over for prototyping (I was using full page sheets to represent low-grade versions of the Crafting Tokens and NOW I need to create size-specific Tokens to upload INDIVIDUALLY to the printer). Ugh. I was trying to avoid this UNTIL Playtesting started (remember, working the two in PARALLEL) because it is highly likely that values on the Tokens (i.e., the numbers on the Tokens indicating the cost of the Crafting Components) will likely change during testing as it has already a few times with our internal testing. I didn’t want to have to go back and COMPLETELY REDO each and every Token.

Oh, well. 

Long story, short…

(NO! I want MORE idiocy! MORE chaos! MORE of… you being your regular knuckleheadedness!!!)

… all game components are ready for prototyping EXCEPT for the Tokens. I will power through those in this next week and then send them off to be printed. I will then give y’all an Update on the printing turnaround time (usually CONSIDERABLY slower than the local print shop). 

Ugh.

One thing that this will likely mess up: To speed the next couple steps along, the Playtest Dummy feedback period will likely be shortened. This means that Playtest Dummies that live in far-off, mythical places with super crappy postal services MAY not get a ton of time to both receive their Playtest copies and spend beaucoop amounts of time actually testing. Sorry. Like the famous philosopher once said... $#!+ rolls downhill! ;-)

With any luck I'll have this game completely done and in your (likely lukewarm when it finally happens) hands BEFORE our sun goes supernova thus rendering this entire project moot. 

Wouldn't THAT be ironic...

(GLORIOUS!!!)

Shut it.

Yours in Colossal (More Than Any of Us Bargained for) Mayhem,

Ken