Playtest Set are READY!!!
about 1 year ago – Tue, Aug 29, 2023 at 04:53:10 PM

Playtest Sets are READY!!!

They Playtest Sets that were printed incorrectly (REMEMBER: NOT MY FAULT!!!) have been re-printed and have arrived!

The Playtest Dummy PDF Rules have been updated to v0.9. It is quite a bit more VISUAL (my first pass at the images that are needed for the Rule Book) and CONDENSED (the actual pages have come down from around 30 to 12). This likely needs to be WAY LESS to make it super easy to follow and prevent Players from getting a HEADACHE before ever playing!

You can download it here (for Playtest Dummies OR anyone else interested in the sausage making):

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/ldxnqdle8hz41tjs18vhk/How-to-Play-The-Magnificent-Emporium-Rough-and-barely-Ready-Edition-for-Playtest-Dummies-v0.9.pdf?rlkey=iz384da94xbxtktvtvmam8cfe&dl=0

PLAYTEST DUMMIES, I will be mailing out Playtest Sets in the coming days. You will also receive an email with all the details (testing scenarios, survey links, etc.). 

Here are some images from the Playtest Dummy Rule Book:

[THAT'S IT?!? No failed attempts at humor? or embarrassing reveals regarding your complete and total ineptitude as a human squishy?]

Sorry, Colossal. Not this time. Don't worry. PLENTY of time for failed attempts at humor and stories of my utter humiliation. We are still SEVERAL YEARS away from completing this Project!

[Oh, goody!]

Yours in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

P.S. We are NOT actually years away from completing this Project. I will have a pretty good time estimate (that I will likely demolish for no good reason!) AFTER I have all the Playtest feedback back.

Playtest Prints Got... MAYHEMIFIED!!!
over 1 year ago – Thu, Jul 20, 2023 at 03:02:25 PM

The Playtest Sets PRINTED AND RECEIVED!

Along with this fantastic bit of news, there is some BAD news also. :(

I'm gonna start with the GOOD NEWS. If you're one of those Negative "I LOVE bad news" Nelly kinda people, then you can skip to the bottom of this Update.

(Hahaha! I'm skippin' to the GOOD STUFF... and when I say 'good stuff' I mean the HORRIBLY BAD and, hopefully, SUPER EMBARASSING Bad News!!! See ya chumps at the bottom of this update!)

[I'll race you to the bottom, Colossal... just like this nincompoop is doing with this game! What a dunce!!!]

Thanks, Colossal. Thank you, Auntie. Your love and support is palpable. 

GOOD NEWS: The Playtest Prints ARE GORGEOUS!!! IMHO. ;-)

I was a bit concerned that the cards would be difficulty to read given the "small format" that we are trying to achieve (and the fact that I'm SUPER WORDY!), but I think they turned out quite readable and playable. 

The colors really pop (not always a guarantee when it comes to small-batch printing).

IMPORTANT: These are Playtest Sets! Some design elements are not yet finalized (the cards backs, the gaping empty token holder on the Masterwork Commission cards, several elements of the Delving and Loot cards, etc.). ALSO, dice is NOT finalized. Looks like we MAY be switching from a polyhedral set to maybe 7 or 8 d6 dice. PLEASE don't hate me! Blame the Playtest Dummies! ;-)

I don't have a sample of the storage tin just yet. The one I PLANNED on using is WAY TOO SMALL given how the number of game components has GROWN SUBSTANTIALLY. I REALLY wish I hadn't promised "custom printed" tins. Life would be SO much easier! ;-)

All feedback is welcome and appreciated (unless it sounds like Colossal or Auntie Mandara said it, in which case I will DO THE OPPOSITE!). ;-)

BAD NEWS: The Playtest Sets Got MAYHEMIFIED in Printing!!!

I know what you're thinking:

Somehow your favorite idiot game designed screwed up and the printing turned out... unexpected.

Well. You. Are. WRONG!

Is was NOT my fault (this time). 

The knuckleheads at The Game Crafter (they do small print runs that work great for Playtest sets) messed up. Instead of putting 108 tokens for each game, they printed way too many of some tokens and ZERO of some other tokens and spread them RANDOMLY among the 15  boxes. Oi! 

EVEN IF I WANTED TO SPEND HOURS AND HOURS removing over 1,500 tokens from their token sheets and then re-combining them for 15 Playtest Sets, it still wouldn't work because they LITERALLY printed ZERO of one of the critical components, Epic Augments.

SEE! NOT. MY. FAULT. (this time)

I emailed Customer Service. They LITERALLY responded in less than an hour and totally admitted that it was a PRODUCTION error and that it was THEIR fault.

SEE! NOT. MY. FAULT. (this time... now with PROOF!)

They are going to REPRINT the entire batch and SUPER, DUPER EXPEDITE the printing and shipping (that SHOULD reduce the printing time of this batch considerably). I have to say: I am SUPER impressed with their Customer Service.  I thought I would have to yell and scream "IT'S NOT MY FAULT" until they finally admitted their boo-boo. 

INSTEAD, I'll just yell and scream "IT'S NOT MY FAULT (this time)!" at y'all.

[We're pretty much used to it by now...]

As much as I wanted to get these into the Playtest Dummies' hot little hands, it doesn't mess things up TOO bad because I am still working on streamlining the instructions from that ugly behemoth that I sent out several weeks ago. I can also finish the Playtest Surveys and source the new storage tins (now that I have ACTUAL contents dimensions to work with) while we wait. The only other sourcing task left after all this will be dice (which, of course, can't happen until I get feedback from Playtesters - I recently scrapped one Delving system for another which requires an entirely different dice configuration).

Question: On a scale of 1-10 (10 being super, duper pissed), how unhappy would you be if I switched the dice from a standard set of polyhedral dice to a set of 7 or so d6s? The only other option would be to throw in the polyhedral dice AND the d6s even though the polyhedrals serve no purpose in this game (other than costing me money!). ;-)

NOW, we're cookin' with (lukewarm) oil!

Your in Colossal Mayhem,

Ken

Who's the 'Dummy' now?!? You'll NEVER guess!
over 1 year ago – Thu, Jun 08, 2023 at 07:02:45 PM

Hey, Beautiful Backers!

I wanted to give a SUPER QUICK Update on the progress of The Magnificent Emporium.

We have completed several rounds of INTERNAL Playtesting. 

We found SEVERAL issues that have since been RECTIFIED (TOO MANY to list here! Maybe I'll spill the beans in a post-mortem if I happen to be feeling particularly masochistic at the end of all this). ;-)

HOWEVER, these changes need to be GRAPHICALLY smashed into the game before we can print versions for the EXTERNAL Playtesters (i.e., the Playtest Dummies that have been PATIENTLY waiting for me to get my act together!).

This probably requires some explanation.

My GOAL was to make SUPER DUPER CHEAPIE Playtest versions of the game - you know, printed at the local printshop using a heavier weight paper and then cutting out the pieces by hand with a paper cutter. I have been doing something similar with INTERNAL Playtesting using my home printer.

AND THEN, while waiting for the Playtest feedback, I could devote my time to putting the finishing touches on the graphic design (with the intention of it being mostly read by the time all the Playtester feedback is in).

Basically, the plan was to work the Playtesting and Graphic Design in PARALLEL for super efficient game design-ification. 

Cool idea, right?!? Pretty smarty-pantsy of me, don't you think?

(Hahaha! Nope. WRONG! This is the part where you tell us how much of a MORON you are! Gimme, gimme!!! I can't wait!)

I wasn’t asking you, Colossal!

(But I’m right, aren’t I?)

Yes. Yes, you are right. I was wrong AND I AM a moron.

(Delicious!)

Here’s the rub:

The Magnificent Emporium has now grown to encompass 18 Larger Format Cards, nearly 72 Micro Cards (TWICE what I promised in the Kickstarter campaign! Eek!) and over 100 Tokens (Also TWICE what I promised in the Kickstarter campaign! DOUBLE Eek!). 

YIKES! What was I thinking?!?

(Hahaha! Your idiocy never fails to ENTERTAIN me!)

At least ONE of us is having fun, Colossal. Might as well be you.

(Agreed! Continue. Your squirming is SO delightfully painful to behold!)

The current QUICK AND DIRTY sheets that I have been printing for INTERNAL Playtesting work great for manually cutting out components, BUT, with well over a dozen Playtest Dummies signed up to participate, it would take me just shy OF AN ETERNITY to manually prep the Playtest Sets. 

Sooooo… that leads me to Plan B: Using a dedicated game prototype printer. That is totally fine EXCEPT that NOW I need to GRAPHICALLY PREP the Tokens BEFORE I can send it over for prototyping (I was using full page sheets to represent low-grade versions of the Crafting Tokens and NOW I need to create size-specific Tokens to upload INDIVIDUALLY to the printer). Ugh. I was trying to avoid this UNTIL Playtesting started (remember, working the two in PARALLEL) because it is highly likely that values on the Tokens (i.e., the numbers on the Tokens indicating the cost of the Crafting Components) will likely change during testing as it has already a few times with our internal testing. I didn’t want to have to go back and COMPLETELY REDO each and every Token.

Oh, well. 

Long story, short…

(NO! I want MORE idiocy! MORE chaos! MORE of… you being your regular knuckleheadedness!!!)

… all game components are ready for prototyping EXCEPT for the Tokens. I will power through those in this next week and then send them off to be printed. I will then give y’all an Update on the printing turnaround time (usually CONSIDERABLY slower than the local print shop). 

Ugh.

One thing that this will likely mess up: To speed the next couple steps along, the Playtest Dummy feedback period will likely be shortened. This means that Playtest Dummies that live in far-off, mythical places with super crappy postal services MAY not get a ton of time to both receive their Playtest copies and spend beaucoop amounts of time actually testing. Sorry. Like the famous philosopher once said... $#!+ rolls downhill! ;-)

With any luck I'll have this game completely done and in your (likely lukewarm when it finally happens) hands BEFORE our sun goes supernova thus rendering this entire project moot. 

Wouldn't THAT be ironic...

(GLORIOUS!!!)

Shut it.

Yours in Colossal (More Than Any of Us Bargained for) Mayhem,

Ken

DRAFT How to Play Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium
over 1 year ago – Tue, May 02, 2023 at 05:48:38 PM

This post is for backers only. Please visit Kickstarter.com and log in to read.

SPOILERS: Time flies when *I* am having FUN... not so much for YOU! :(
over 1 year ago – Thu, Mar 09, 2023 at 03:13:26 PM

[Listen up, Dummies! Corny Ken has an Update for you!]

Mistress, I think you misspoke. I believe you MEANT to say "Playtest Dummies".

[Nope. I meant what I said.]

Well, thanks anyway.

[I am ALSO interested in why my lavish Retirement hasn't happened yet! How long does it take to create a stupid game?!?]

Well, first off, I don't think it's 'stupid'...

[And you would be WRONG.]

Secondly, the Adventuring redesign has really put me behind schedule. I'm currently getting the 'play skeleton' in working order so the Playtest Dummies can critique it. The only problem is that a good part of the FUN of one of my games is the FUNNY stuff. A 'play skeleton' would only capture a small part of that fun. And I don't want Playtesters first impression to be of an ugly game.

The Faster, Easier and Smarter way to prep a game for Playtesting is often to send out a "skeleton game". A skeleton version has ALL the functionality of the game (complete with written rules), but the entire thing is fairy rough and a bit ugly.

[Let me guess: you - for some completely asinine reason - decided NOT to do the Faster, Easier and Smarter approach.]

("Ass"-inine is more like it!)

[Ha! Good one, Colossal. Now zip it!]

Uh. I guess you could you put it that way.

[I did. And what - pray tell - have you been doing THAT IS NOT the Faster, Easier and Smarter approach to designing my game and making me rich?!?]

Making it pretty? Making it funny?

[Is that a question? or a statement?]

I mean: Making the game look pretty and funny. And trying to do some of the boring stuff like writing the rules, I guess.

[YOU GUESS?!? Wow. We're doomed.]

(Told 'ya!)

[Colossal!]

(Got it. Zipping now...)

[Okay, Corny Ken. Show us some of this "pretty" "funny" business. AND if it AIN'T freakin' GORGEOUS, things are about to get UGLY in this here brain box!]

Ha! You said "funny business"!

SPOILERS: Here is a Sampler Video of COMPLETED Micro Cards (Adventurers for Hire, Crafting Materials, Basic Commissions):

[Okay, fine. You bought yourself a BRIEF respite from my WRATH. 'Brief' being the key word here. STOP having FUN and START working EVERYONE ELSE'S FUN!]

Thank you for your...

[Quit wasting time! At this rate, my Cabana Boys will be more like wrinkled, decrepit 'Cabana Old FARTS!' NOT cool, Corny. NOT... COOL!!!]

(I have an idea...)

[Colossal! What did I...]

(It's a good one. I promise. It's about totally humiliating that nincompoop Corny Ken.)

[I'm listening...]

I'M... RIGHT... HERE!!!

(Post your answer to the below question in the comments. Be aware that the RIGHT ANSWER is #5.)

QUESTION 1: Backers, how much do you want to smash Corny Ken into smithereens for being woefully behind on Mistress Mandara's game and last-ditch Retirement effort? (keep in mind that the moron promised to get the game to you by MAY, 2023 and he hasn't even STARTED Playtesting yet). Yikes.

1) I think Corny Ken is doing a superb job... at being a total moronic nincompoop (as well as a dreadfully slow game designer). Stop bullying him, you two!

2) I don't see any problem with the delay. I never had any intention of playing Corny Ken's game. I am mostly here to enjoy his public humiliation and impending EPIC failure. Keep up the GREAT work, you two!

3)  I want to smash Corny Ken into smithereens, but I would prefer that it not hurt too bad. I just don't think it's right to be THAT mean to the mentally infirmed.

4) I Backed a game called Mistress Mandara's Magnificent Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios?! What the heck was I thinking?!

 5) 'Smithereens' is much too good for Corny Ken. Is there something slower and more painful? Maybe messier, too? Oh, and repeatable - like 'over and over and over again repeatable'? Did I mention painful?