Mistress Mandara’s Emporium of Eldritch Arms, Enchanted Armour and Arcane Curios. You probably know it by its more common name: The Magnificent Emporium. The Magnificent Emporium is a SOLO Crafting, Enchanting and Adventuring tabletop game. Hire Adventurers to seek Exotic Crafting Components, Accept Commissions from Colorful Customers, and Create Legendary Arms and Armour.
This post is for backers only. Please visit Kickstarter.com and log in to read.
Greetings, Magnificent Mandar-ites!
We have a couple Updates for you. The BIGGEST of which is the First Draft of The Magnificent Emporium PDF Rulebook.
We have ALL the components in-house except for the cards. I just checked the production queue and we are IN PRODUCTION NOW! The estimated shipping date is still first week of April, but that makes no sense. There is no way this project will take 6 weeks to print, collate and pack (right?). We'll see...
The game will include a printed set of Quickstart instructions AND many of the cards have detailed How to Play info on their Backs. However, the PDF is where ALL the rule stuff can be found.
(Hopefully, this will keep down on the number of dunderhead messages, emails and text messages.)
Hey, be nice, Colossal! We LOVE ALL of our Backers, even the dunderheads! Plus, any questions we receive are probably because YOU could have done a better job designing and / or spelling out the rules!
(Harrumph!)
Ha! Did you just SAY the word "harrumph"?
(What? Isn't that how it works?)
Sometimes I just feel sad for you. VERY, VERY occasionally, but sometimes.
Here it is:
I would very much like some feedback. I am 100% positive that I missed some stuff or botched some explanations. Feel free to point out my boneheadedness by Messaging, Emailing ([email protected]) or Texting (+1 (714) 721-2464) me. I will continue to update the book following feedback from Backers after they have received the game and they have figured out ALL THE WAYS they want to see the game changed. Geesh.
(We look forward to telling you just how wrong you are.)
I have the BackerKit page about 70% done. I think I’ll launch that sooner rather than later (in the hopes that production is faster than the manufacturer is estimating).
My #1 favorite upsell to take even more of your hard-earned money is...
Don't get too excited! You'll have to wait until BackerKit to open to see it in it's full GLORY!
(It's got my name on it. How bad could it be?)
Do you really wanna know?
(Never mind.)
There's my two cents...
Yours in Colossal Mayhem,
Ken
Follow Colossal Ken on the InstantGrammars to PLAY (coming soon): https://www.instagram.com/colossalken/
VIDEO: https://www.instagram.com/p/C0xXVnFPI5_/
VIDEO: https://www.instagram.com/p/C0xXVnFPI5_/
We have received our Test Card Print and... it was a COMPLETE FAILURE!!!
Hooray!!!
(Uh. What?)
Well, its WAY BETTER than having the ACTUAL PRINT RUN turn out to be a HUGE FAILURE!
(Wow. You have REALLY lowered the bar, haven't you?)
Not at all. Allow me to explain...
(Ugh. Please don't...)
Actually, the test print turned out quite nicely. Everything LOOKS great. The mistakes that were discovered in the PLAYTEST PRINT RUN were fixed (mostly the Backs of some cards being FLIPPED relative to the Fronts). And, of course, all the (demanded!) Playtest Dummy changes.
What DID happen, however, was that a NEW, GLARING issue was discovered: a few REALLY IMPORTANT cards (some Augments that are CRITICAL to gameplay) did NOT get uploaded into the batch properly. IF we had SKIPPED the Test Print (something I was considering to save both money AND time!), it is highly likely that EVERYONE would have received a COMPLETELY BOTCHED and UNPLAYABLE game!
(Ha! I would expect NOTHING LESS from you!!!)
Of course, I would have fixed it, BUT that would have required printing out 3 cards for everyone and mailing them out to everyone separately (or waiting to swap out IF the problem was caught prior to fulfillment). Even with expedited printing and shipping, that would have been ANOTHER delay of several weeks AND a CONSIDERABLE unexpected expenditure to me.
(Wait. Are you saying it would have cut into our World Dominations funds?!?)
Yep.
(#@%&*$^#&$*#@&!!!)
Colossal, language!
(Sorry. I meant 'poop'.)
That's better.
The Custom-Printed Tins have now ARRIVED at Colossal Endeavors World Headquarters and are SAFELY stowed hundreds of feet underground (that's like half a dozen centimeters for those that speak the ancient, dead language of Metric).
(Wow. Your Measurement skills are even WORSE than your Game Design Skills.)
It was a bit touch and go there.
Hurricanes...
(wrong season)
Earthquakes...
(those don't affect boats)
Somali Pirates in the Red Sea dropping TRUTH bombs!!!
(Okay, yes, there WERE some pirates doing piratey things, BUT they were Yemeni, NOT Somali. The Tins did NOT travel anywhere NEAR the Red Sea. And truth bombs aren't a thing. Please let me know if anyone knows of a Squishy looking for a new brain box companion. This one is just too dumb for words... or letters... or even basic hand signals.)
Still. *I* was scared.
Our estimated completion for the LAST PIECE of this whole dastardly exercise - PRINTING THE CARDS! - is holding steady at April 2nd. The estimate dropped briefly to mid-March and then popped back up again.
THEN, the cards will need to brave a PERILOUS OVERLAND JOURNEY to get to Colossal Endeavors World Headquarters...
(If you even REMOTELY HINT at anything to do with Mad Max, I will squish your overripe gourd as if it was... a REALLY, REALLY overripe gourd!)
Noted, but let's be real. A Mad Max scenario is so COMPLETELY UNLIKELY to happen... BEFORE the American Presidential Election in November.
Yours in Colossal Mayhem,
Ken
(Colossal Ken)
[Mistress Mandara]
1) All Dice have been received and are currently being stored at Colossal Endeavors Global Headquarters.
(AKA Corny Ken's garage)
2) Custom-printed metal tins are being printed as we speak and will be on their way to us via a slow boat from China (I assume that it's China 'cause the letters looked all funky).
(Isn't saying 'metal' AND 'tin' redundant, dummy?)
3) Custom-printed cloth bags (that protect the tins AND serve as a Crafting Token draw bag) are done and gathering dust in storage.
4) A test FINAL copy of the cards has been ordered. Estimated date of production WAS December 28th, BUT I ponied up some extra cash to RUSH the order. I had some leftover cashola from a rather successful early investment in Bitcoin. The RUSH should get the test copy produced in a couple days AND then shipped semi-rapido (super-rapido would have cost more than one and a half of my kids - the wife did NOT approve the shipping upgrade).
(Are you SURE you want to blow your ENTIRE early Bitcoin investment?!? I mean, that initial $0.73 investment could turn into hundreds of dollars in... like... HUNDREDS OF YEARS!)
(if my math is correct, that sounds like it will get to Backers nearly NINE MONTHS after you originally promised)
'Promise' is a strong word. I think of it more like an educated guess or optimistic estimate...
(EDUCATED?!? Ha! That makes me laugh! Good one, dummy.)
5) Based on YET ANOTHER Playtest Dummy suggestion, we will be adding a custom-printed component organizing / card separating / token segregating / neatness enhancing thingy. I don't know what else to call it. Either way, I think it's super cool beyond the fact that it's costing me MORE MONEY (like EVERY suggestion EVER made by EVERY Backer and / or Playtest Dummy throughout all of HISTORY!).
(Geesh. This guy really goes loco over an additional $0.06 per game.)
6) The magnet test was a HUGE success, BUT it is also a HUGE, unexpected expense. It looks like we will stick to the original plan of using a handful of marker magnets (for keeping track of Upgrades, Prestige and Gold only). The GOOD NEWS (for me, anyway) is that the cool magnet idea might serve as a way for me to bilk ye Backers outta more cold, hard cash! Yippee!!!
(Don't forget "funding my plans for World Domination"!)
How can I forget? You never shut up about it...
No, seriously, it's an actual GAME that we all will PLAY while we wait for The Emporium to bake.
Let's face it: The BEGINNING of a Kickstarter is FUN...
(especially when you have ME entertaining the masses of gullible squishies)
... and the END of a Kickstarter is FUN because you get that super duper fun thing you have been patiently waiting for...
(Ha! NOT with YOUR Kickstarters! Less 'fun' and more 'stupendous disappointment with a sprinkling of blind rage'!)
BUT the MIDDLE part is kinda just boring. No more Updates (all the work is done), no more stories about development or calls for feedback or work for the Playtest Dummies to do. No more surveys or comments. Just FLAT. Bo-ring.
(Oh, yay, a game about WAITING. Maybe I picked the wrong planet... again.)
NO. Not a game ABOUT waiting, but a game WHILE WE WAIT.
While we are waiting for the main components to be manufactured, we intend to host a "Waiting Game" involving ALL Backers of ALL Colossal Endeavors projects! The GOAL is to have some fun, laugh a tad AND offer up a bunch of cool prizes.
If you want to keep tabs on the Waiting Game preparations (and maybe even contribute some ideas!) then be sure to follow @ColossalKen on the InstantGrammar social media thingy (they really should consider a different name) or @ColossalKen on Elon Musk's formerly X-rated Tweeter thingy (again, maybe another name for that one, too).
It will be simple. Some cool prizes. Play any time and from anywhere (except Australia - everything is upside down and backwards there). No cost to participate.
(No cost to participate?!? Prizes?!?! We're not running a charity here!!!)
[This STUPID Waiting Game better not interfere with the making of MY game!!!]
No worries, Mistress. Your Cabana Boys are in good hands. Oh, wait...
(HAAAA! I'll BET they are!!!)
Oy. Signing off...
Yours in Colossal Mayhem,
Ken and (Colossal Ken) and [Mistress Mandara]
AGAIN, I VERY MUCH appreciate your patience! While the serious DELAY is not fun for any of us...
(Speak for yerself! I LOVE watching you BOTCH everything that you touch! Ha!)
Correction: the serious delay is not fun for MOST of us.
However, I must say that the final product is turning out WORLDS BETTER than I ever dreamed possible. I hope you all agree!
(I can't wait to hear their feedback... assuming they are still alive by the time you're done. You squishies really do live such a short time. That reminds me, maybe I should start looking for another brain box to inhabit when the current one croaks. Preferably, something more SPACIOUS.)
I am finishing up ALL the changes that the FANTASTIC Playtest Dummies suggested.
(maybe THEY should do some game designing of their own)
Careful. We DO NOT need the competition!
(Too true. You seem to keep coming in LAST place when it's just a competition between you and yourself.)
Due to space limitations, we have decided to include QUICKSTART instructions as a tri-fold. The FULL instructions will be available in PDF format. This will fit INSIDE the metal tin. These are in DRAFT form which means that there is some formatting still to do AND a few typos.
Along the same lines as the "Quickstart Instructions," we have added instructions on the BACK of each 'Facility Card'. The goal is to reduce the number of times that Players will need to go hunting for rules in the rule book.
That is all...
Yours in Colossal Mayhem,
Ken, (Colossal Ken), and [Mistress Mandara]